Fighting for a cure

4 Year SURVIVOR!

2011-06-22T07:10:00.002-04:00

4 years ago today I was told I had breast cancer.

FUCK YOU CANCER!

Life is good.

ITALY - Nov. 2010

2010-11-19T21:12:00.002-05:00

I took my daughter to Italy and we met up with H and some friends. It was a wonderful memorable experience. Ciao'

Boooooo!!

2010-11-01T21:24:00.002-04:00

I will fill in on "stuff" later but for now I hope everyone had a fun Halloween. I did!

PBC, Autoimmune Disease, Pain, Drugs........

2010-07-25T20:59:00.010-04:00

A lot has happened since the gallbladder surgery.

11 days after the surgery I had another chest/upper abdominal attack that went off the pain chart. I had to call 911. I spent the next 3 nights, 4 days in the hospital undergoing a barrage of tests but everything was showing normal. No bile leakage, no sphincter issues, no stray stones lurking about, etc. etc.

So I left with " Maybe it was a one time thing and it won't happen again??"

I hope not -------as that PAIN was so bad I could barely breathe let alone speak a whisper. Scary shit.

I was "set free" from the hospital one day before a planned vacation with Joanie to NC to visit some girlfriends. I still went. Why not? My health issues would still be here and I was not feeling pain.

I am so glad I went. I had a wonderful time. Wonderful. Wonderful.

I had to take some short nappies to regain my daily energy but no PAIN.

The day before I left the hospital my surgeon came in with my liver biopsy details: Positive for PBC- Primary Biliary Cirrhosis with overlap autoimmune disease.

This diagnosis answers many questions to issues I have been having with my health.

After my initial gallbladder attack my doctor said my liver enzymes were up. I did some research and realized I should run a special blood test for PBC as my mother had the disease (but not the autoimmune disease) and some of my symptoms were head on for it. Sure enough the blood tests came back positive.

So when I went in for the gallbladder removal I asked my surgeon to do a liver biopsy while she was in there so we could stage the PBC.

Important note: If it were not for my forethought and research and remembering my mother's words to be tested when I got older as it runs in families........I would not know I had this disease. It probably would have taken a few more years for a doctor to find out I have PBC. That is the nature of the disease. It is uncommon and not known by many doctors.

It has nothing to do with alcohol or drinking. It is just part of the name because the liver eventually ends in cirrhosis.

I met with a gastrointerologist - Dr Nader- in the hospital and he explained what he found with my biopsy and blood tests. He immediately started me on Urso 3 x day for life plus Prednisone for a month to bring down some of the inflammation in the liver from the autoimmune disorder.

I will see him next month and he will run tests again to see where my levels are. He said he will probably start me on some immunosuppresive drugs at that time. There will be bi or tri monthly blood tests done for life now. Adjustments with drugs as needed.

In about 10-15% of PBC cases the patient has an overlap autoimmune disorder like autoimmune hepatitis or Lupus. My liver shows autoimmune Lupus within the liver. He staged me at 1-2 out of 4.

Interesting facts:

Fatigue is number one symptom and complaint of this disease. I have been fighting a growing fatigue since the whole BC crap and had just chalked it up to that.

My IBS and IC (interstitial cystitis) and joint pain are all considered autoimmune disorders.

I wonder if the PBC brought on the autonimmune disease or the autoimmune disease brought on the PBC?? I have had IBS for over 20 years.

Cancer is like an autoimmune disease as bad cells are attacking good cells.

It's like my poor body has been having a battle with itself for years!

I had good health. I really did. Before my breast cancer diagnosis I was hardly ever sick. Since then, in the past 3 years I have gone downhill fast.

******** Breast Cancer*********

* Interstitial Cystitis

* Neuropathy

* Joint Pain

* Abnormal Uterine Bleeding/D&C

* Ovary Removal

*Gallbladder Attack/Stones

*Gallbladder surgery

*Chest/Upper Abdominal Attack

* Primary Biliary Cirrhosis

* Autoimmune Disease

That is enough for now. As the disease progresses (luckily it is a very slow growing disease) one usually gains a host of other issues too complicated to name right now. One step at a time.

If you had the patience and interest to read all that: WTG!

Just thought I should give an update.

Will be back again later to fill in the cracks.

For now I am popping pills, taking naps, gaining weight and doing my best to enjoy my Life.

(It really could be worse.)

Enjoy the moments,

Gallbladder Gone *******

2010-07-06T21:23:00.004-04:00

The surgery went just fine but the NAUSEA afterwards was enough to knock over a ship!

Worse Case of nausea above and beyond chemo nausea. BAD.

The kicker is the anaesthesiologist gave me a lot of stuff to keep it at bay like Prilosec, Emend, Zofran and something else I forget. As soon as I sat up to get dressed the nausea started and by the time I got home it was ugly. I was motionless. If I opened an eye or said one word the waves drowned me.

After several hours of Hell Steve went to Rite-Aid and picked up some Zofran and scopolamine patches. (Don't know why I didn't think of that before as it has helped in the past.)

Finally R-E-L-I-E-F!

Today is the first day without the patch. I have a lingering shadow of stomach upset that is bearable. I also have big red welts left from where the patch was on my skin. I have to cover them in all kinds of anti-itch creams or I would go crazy itching. It will take about a week for them to go away. I recommend moving the patch each day to a new spot for 3 days. Then start over with a new patch.

I also had a liver biopsy which I will explain at a later date. One thing at a time.

I think my body has had enough anesthesia and surgeries. It is rebelling. NO MORE.

I agree.

Tomorrow I go back to work.

I am doing better each new day.

(Now if I could just have a bowel movement) LOL - It has been a week.

Life is Good {without nausea}

L

3 years......

2010-06-22T09:36:00.005-04:00

Three years ago today I was told I had breast cancer and my life became a dark ominous pit of terror.

I made it through to the other side. What a friggin' ride!

Fuck You Cancer.

Gallstones!

2010-06-03T20:59:00.003-04:00

Yup. Another surgery.

A few weeks ago I had pain so bad in the center of my chest which radiated across my chest and back into my should blades. I could not relieve the pain. Sit, lay, side to side - no relief.

After hours of dealing and hoping it would subside I finally screamed: "I Give!"

Des drove me to the hospital and they ran some tests, gave me some pain meds (finally relief) then more tests and finally found the culprit. Gallstones.

Who would have thought?

So because of my test and lab results I will be having yet another surgery July 1st to remove my gallbladder. I will have an MRI next Friday to see if I have any stones stuck in the common bile duct. If so I will have to have a procedure with anesthesia to have them removed before I have the gallbladder removed.

I am thinking of making a name plate for the ER door with my name on it.

Currently I am doing OK but I keep pain meds on me at all times in case of another painful attack.

Besides that I am enjoying my life.

It is a good life.

I LOVE MY LIFE.

{{{One day at a time.}}}

xoxo

It has been 3 months...

2010-05-16T21:23:00.008-04:00

It has been 3 months since I last visited here. Time seems to speed up with each passing year.

Update:

No more bleeding episodes but the cyst remained on my right ovary. Discussed the options with my gynecologist and agreed with his opinion to remove my remaining ovary so my body would stop estrogen production.

I had the oophorectomy 2 weeks ago and all is well. I have minor bruising left with some lumpiness under the 3 surgical incisions which I am hoping will smooth out. Most likely scar tissue.

Hot flashes are returning. But the bleeding never will. Yeah!

Still have the foot pain. Neurologist believes it is neuropathy. Further testing is needed.

I am so happy I made the move closer to my children and grandchildren.

Life is wonderful!

Spring is here. Flowers blooming. Grass is green. Breezes are warmer. Longer days.

Until next time,

Go grab some life and shake it!

(love) (hugs) (kiss)

2010-02-14T08:27:00.001-05:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

*Today was a Good Day**

2010-02-10T20:28:00.005-05:00

Yes~~~ Today was a good day.

I had an ultrasound assisted needle aspiration on my left breast today which confirmed the lump in my left breast was just a benign cyst. {long deep sigh}

I went in to the breast care center this morning, undressed from the waist up and donned the requisite hospital gown, open in the front.

As I was waiting for the doctor, technician and nurse to come into the room I tried to calm my nerves. Nerves that had been building since that day two weeks ago when I first felt the small lump in my left breast and my mind screamed: "what if it's cancer?"

The moment I felt that lump my entire being froze. All the ugly dark cancer crap came rushing back and flooded my brain and being. Whooosh.

A lump! Oh shit! No way! WTF! Not again.

I tried to calm myself down with rational thoughts: I just had a mamo in November and it showed clean. I just had a breast exam from my surgeon in December and she didn't feel anything. Probably a cyst or fibroidnoma. A cancer lump would not grow to the size of a pea in 2 months!!

So that is what I have been telling myself for two weeks. 14 days. 14 nights. Trying not to think bad thoughts. I didn't tell anyone but Steve. I didn't want to worry anyone unless it was cancer.

Dr Pegg believed it was most likely a cyst or glandular problem given the bleeding I had last month and my hormones being all over the place. His logic made sense and eased some of my fear.

But not all of it. Not that little tiny voice that would say: "what if it is cancer again?"

I kept that scary voice tiny, a whisper, barely audible, by continually telling myself the facts all pointed to the lump being a harmless cyst. Over and over. I kept the tiny voice that wanted to scream - a whisper.

I would reach down at least a dozen times a day and feel the lump. Yup - it was still there. I kept hoping I would reach down and the lump would be gone. That would be the proof it was a cyst. I could finally erase that tiny voice. The one that kept me a little wound up. A little on edge. On the verge of stress. Always there. "What if?"

The not knowing is the tough part. The waiting and waiting for an answer is torture. Even if you believe it is a cyst.......that "what if" is always there. Like a nagging wife. An itch you can't scratch. A problem you can't solve.

Steve took me to the breast care center on Monday for a mamo and ultrasound. The appointment went smoothly and I even watched the screen as the tech did the ultrasound and saw the black circle on the screen. A solid black circular image almost always means a cyst since fluid throws a dark shadow. If the mass is solid it appears muddy gray like your tissue.

The radiologist even said it was probably a benign cyst but wanted to do a needle aspiration to confirm because of my breast cancer history. Lucky for me they had an opening today at 11. Two more days of waiting.

I was glad I only had to wait 2 more days. Better than 2 more weeks. The breast care center is always over-booked. So many women going in and out all day and some leaving with life altering mind bending news. Bless the people who work there day in and day out. Their patience, support, and loving natures are truly amazing. I am so humbled by there dedication. And my heart aches for the women that are told it may be cancer or it is cancer.

So there I was today. Waiting for the nurse, doctor and tech to come into the room. Trying to calm myself down. This was it. After two weeks of waiting and obsessing I would get to delete that obsessive tiny whisper. One way or the other.

The procedure didn't take long. I laid down facing the monitor and the tech found the lump again with the ultrasound and marked the spot.

The doctor gave me a small shot to numb the skin then a deep shot. It barely hurt. {big sigh here}

Next she inserted the needle into the breast and into what I like to call the black hole. That is what the lump looked like on the monitor anyway. I watched the gray needle go into the black hole and as the syringe was pulled I saw the black hole deflate and disappear. Gone! Zip! Nada!

It was a cyst!

We all smiled and yipped and celebrated. It was just a cyst.

Instantly the tiny voice disappeared. The stress vanished. The "what if" answered. My entire being released all that tension that had been quietly building for 2 weeks. I felt the atmosphere shift with my release.

I am sitting here with my tiny bandage on my lump-less breast and I am thinking:

Yes~~~Today was one heck of a good day.

Thank you Steve for being there through yet another drama in my life. Albeit a tiny drama with a happy ending but you were right there. {{{hug}}}

On The Mend with no Depends

2010-01-18T21:30:00.004-05:00

No more bleeding. No more Depends. No more pantyliners. WooHoo!

The pathology report came back from the D&C. No cancer. A benign polyp.

Go back in 8 weeks for a follow-up ultrasound to see if the cyst is still on my ovary. See if I do any more bleeding.

Doc's best guess is I started producing some estrogen which made my ovary drop a follicle and my uterus started to thicken (all the stages of menstruation) but it didn't release and kept building and building.

Let's hope that does not happen again. No more bleeding of any kind. We do not want my body producing estrogen.

If I do bleed again a few options would be ovary removal or uterus removal.

Thank you to everyone for your concern and advice. It was greatly appreciated.

Pantyliners & Iron Supplements

2010-01-08T21:53:00.003-05:00

No more Depends. Little pantyliners. Maybe tomorrow nothing will be needed.

Tried an iron supplement on an empty stomach this morning and have had nausea all day. UGH. No iron for me.

Gaining energy and feeling much better.

Life is good.

Hysteroscopy & D&C

2010-01-05T21:19:00.004-05:00

Over the weekend my bleeding turned into flooding and freakish sized clots. By Monday morning I was close to passing out so I called 911.

Good that I did. I needed 2 transfusions as my red blood cell count was down to 27 (a healthy count is 40.) My blood pressure had dropped and I was pale as a ghost. It took over 7 hours to get the 2 transfusions which brought me close to a 33 so I could have the D & C to stop the bleeding, which was going on 14 days. I stayed overnight for observation and all went well.

The doc said he saw a polyp in my uterus and a cyst on my ovary via the ultrasound. He suspects my ovary has decided to come out of shock from the chemo and start menstruating again! Gosh I hope this was a one time episode.

He should get the results from pathology by Friday as to what was in my uterus, if anything.

For now I am hardly bleeding. YIPPEE! The D&C seems to have worked. phew.

My RBC is back down again but I should be able to get back to a normal count on my own now that I am not bleeding.

So was home by early afternoon today and have been on the couch since. Will try to gain some energy and strength back over this week so I can get back to work and activities. I am getting restless.

I am on the mend.

Endometrial Biopsy & Depends

2009-12-29T22:00:00.004-05:00

I {{heart}} Depend.

I have been bleeding heavy and the Overnighter pads were not quite doing the job. So I bravely went to CVS and bought some adult diapers. I wish I had bought these back when I had raging periods. These are fantastic! No worries about overflowing a pad as your entire underwear is a pad. Genius!

Is this a sign of getting old? Loving adult diapers? No - I think it is more about comfort and reliability and ease of use.

(One caveat: one must wear a long coat and a long shirt to cover one's ass or you look like you have a severely dimpled butt.)

My gynecologist set me up for an ultrasound yesterday. He also has me doing a 5 day run on Provera which is progesterone to see if it will halt the bleeding. Within 2 hours of taking my 1st pill it slowed my flow from a gush to a trickle. Amazing. Then this morning it started gushing again.

Thank goodness I was wearing my trusty Depends just in case.

After my 2nd pill today it slowed again. It seems to last about 12 hours. I have been bleeding for 8 days now. I have less energy, am tired and extra cranky. Best for all I live alone.

My gyno now wants to set up an appt next week for an endometrial biopsy. A simple in-office procedure. This will give him a better idea of what is going on down there and rule out cancer.

Tamoxifen increases the possibility of endometrial cancer but I have not been on it for any long length of time. A few months here and there then finally quit it because of the painful joint pain. Was getting ready to start Aromasin again and hoping it wouldn't aggravate my ankle/foot pain then BAM! I started bleeding.

No estrogen blockers for me until I stop bleeding.

So that is my update.

C'est la vie,

L

Merry Christmas with a capital "P"

2009-12-25T15:31:00.003-05:00

Yes. {{{ P }}}

Which I started a few days ago. After 2 years of menopause!

2 years I say!

I hope and pray it is not back to stay. It is one thing I have not missed.

I may have to change up my estrogen blocker once I tell the oncologist. I stopped taking the Aromisan awhile back so have not been on anything. I think if I had been I may not have had this bleeding?

The hot flashes stopped a few weeks ago - I should have known something was up.

So, from some research I have gleaned it could be back to stay, it could be a one time thing, it could be a bad thing or a harmless thing. Will find out as I am sure the doc will want to do some tests. Here are a list of common possibilities.

Well, I am off to change my super huge overnight pad.

Merry Christmas everyone,

One less Ladybug

2009-12-17T21:15:00.002-05:00

My dear friend and Ladybug Noreen passed away last night.

My heart is heavy with sadness.

I miss you Noreen.

The Girl Effect

2009-12-02T21:47:00.002-05:00

Never underestimate the power of a girl:

Watch Video

Pink Glove Dance

2009-11-28T22:18:00.000-05:00

Click Here

Who knew?

2009-11-28T22:06:00.003-05:00

They do not do mammograms on reconstructed breasts.

Why?

Because there is no breast tissue there.

Makes sense.

So I only had one boob squished.

That is all.

Aromasin & Zoloft

2009-11-18T21:45:00.003-05:00

Been on both for several weeks now.

Started back on the Zoloft as I was too moody off of it.

I still have joint pain but most of it is centered around my ankles and feet. Walking makes it worse but I keep trying. I don't know anymore. Loose shoes are best. Tying the laces on my sneakers too tight can increase my foot pain.

I also have slight nausea throughout the day. Just enough to curb some of my appetite with the occasional knock me to the bed and wait it out for 20 minutes kind too.

Hot flashes are still flashing. Often. I have learned to layer so I can easily strip off and put back on as needed. Which is often.

I am going to continue for a bit longer and see if my body levels out with this new drug.

I have a mammogram appointment next week. This will be my first on the reconstructed breast. Should be interesting.

Besides these physical issues ~ life is great.

Truly.

And the winner is ~~~~~

2009-11-01T20:55:00.003-05:00

Teresa Chapman! You win the "Pinky Promise" bag!!!!

I will pop it in the mail this week as I have your address.

Yippee!

Pink Hugs

2009-10-19T23:00:00.001-04:00

Training for a Mammogram!

2009-10-19T08:26:00.000-04:00

Tamoxifen & Zoloft bad cocktail

2009-10-18T07:26:00.004-04:00

New Study: Antidepressants Commonly Prescribed with Tamoxifen Put Women at Much Higher Risk for Recurrent Breast Cancer :

- Several SSRIs more than double risk of cancer recurrence in tamoxifen
treated patients

- Nearly 30 percent of tamoxifen users take drugs that reduce its
effectiveness against breast cancer

ORLANDO, Fla., May 30 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- An important new study finds
that certain popular antidepressants frequently prescribed to women taking the
breast cancer drug tamoxifen more than double the risk of a breast cancer
recurrence for those using both medications. The research presented by Medco
Health Solutions, Inc. (NYSE: MHS) and Indiana University School of Medicine
at the 2009 Annual Meeting of the American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO)
is the largest study to date looking at how these drugs impact breast cancer
recurrence rates when taken with tamoxifen.

The antidepressants at issue are three widely used selective serotonin
reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), Prozac(R) (fluoxetine), Paxil(R) (paroxetine) and
Zoloft(R) (sertraline), and are among a group of drugs known as CYP2D6
inhibitors. Antidepressants are often prescribed with tamoxifen to treat
depression - a common co-morbidity of the disease, as well as hot flashes - a
common side-effect of the breast cancer drug.

The three drugs that pose this risk for women on tamoxifen are considered to
be moderate to potent CYP2D6 inhibitors. Several other SSRIs examined in the
study that are weak CYP2D6 inhibitors did not raise breast cancer recurrence
risks for patients using them along with tamoxifen. Those SSRIs included
Celexa(R) (citalopram), Lexapro(R) (escitalopram) and Luvox(R) (fluvoxamine).

"We've known that these CYP2D6 inhibitor drugs block the activation of
tamoxifen chemically, but this is the first time there's evidence that these
drugs are putting women at a much higher risk for recurrent breast cancer,"
said Dr. Robert Epstein, Medco's chief medical officer and one of the study
researchers. "It's also the first time that a comparative analysis has been
done looking at various SSRIs and what's clear is that several of these drugs
are extremely risky for women to take with tamoxifen, while others don't
present a problem."

This study advances prior research which has shown that the active form of
tamoxifen, called endoxifen, is found in far lower levels in the blood stream
when CYP2D6 inhibitor drugs are present, and it is the first study to show the
comparative impact of various antidepressants on breast cancer recurrence.

"While we expected to see some impact on the disease recurrence rate based on
already existing evidence, what is remarkable is that the effect is consistent
with the pharmacologic potency of these antidepressants as CYP2D6 inhibitors.
This lends biological plausibility to the data," added Dr. David Flockhart,
chief of clinical pharmacology at Indiana University School of Medicine and a
member of the research team.

Study Details
The study was a retrospective analysis of almost 1,300 women who were newly
prescribed tamoxifen to treat breast cancer between 2003 and 2005 and were
monitored for at least two years, with the average being 2.7 years. All study
patients had to be at least 70 percent compliant with their tamoxifen therapy
and on average, compliance was 90 percent throughout the study period. The
average duration that patients used tamoxifen and a CYP2D6 inhibitor
concurrently was 340 days.

The analysis first looked at two different cohorts, one with 353 women, about
27 percent of the study sample, who were taking a moderate to potent CYP2D6
inhibitor in conjunction with tamoxifen which included but was not limited to
antidepressants, and a group of 945 women on tamoxifen who were not taking any
CYP2D6 inhibitor. The patients' pharmacy and medical records were analyzed to
determine the medications used and the incidence of a breast cancer
recurrence. Comparisons were made between the cohorts using a CYP2D6
inhibitor and the group on tamoxifen only. The study found that women taking
a moderate to strong CYP2D6 inhibitor had a two-year breast cancer recurrence
rate of 13.9 percent, 1.9 times higher than the 7.5 percent recurrence rate of
those only using tamoxifen.

Given that 60 percent of the women in the study on a CYP2D6 inhibitor were
using an SSRI, the researchers examined a subset that included only those
patients taking an SSRI and divided it into two cohorts, one that included 213
women on a moderate to potent CYPD2D6 inhibitor SSRI, and one made up of 137
women using a weak CYP2D6 inhibitor SSRI.

Results showed an even greater increase in the risk of a recurrence among
those taking a moderate to potent CYP2D6 inhibitor SSRI as compared to the
initial analysis. These women had a rate of breast cancer recurrence of 16
percent, 2.2 times higher than women only taking tamoxifen. Patients using
SSRIs that are weak CYP2D6 inhibitors had a disease recurrence rate of 8.8
percent and were not at any increased risk for the disease.

"Since the majority of women using a CYP2D6 inhibitor were taking an SSRI, we
felt it was incumbent upon us to look specifically at that drug class," said
Epstein. "What we found is that the choice of which SSRI is prescribed could
make a huge difference in whether there's a recurrence of the disease. That's
very important information for breast cancer patients and their physicians."

Tamoxifen
Tamoxifen is one of the oldest and most widely used treatments for reducing
the risk of breast cancer recurrence among women with estrogen-dependent
tumors. The drug works by blocking the estrogen receptors in the breast cells
and can reduce the risk of a breast cancer recurrence by up to 50 percent.
It's the only anti-estrogen available for prevention of breast cancer
recurrence in pre-menopausal women and is one of several anti-estrogens used
to treat post-menopausal breast cancer patients. Approximately 500,000 women
take tamoxifen in the U.S., with 80,000 new patients starting on the treatment
annually. Nearly 30 percent of women taking tamoxifen also use an
antidepressant.

Alerting Physicians
While evidence has been mounting that CYP2D6 inhibitors can reduce the
effectiveness of tamoxifen, many physicians treating breast cancer patients
are still unaware of the problem or may not know that their patient has been
prescribed a strong inhibiting antidepressant by another physician. In an
effort to ensure that women get the full benefit of tamoxifen, Medco has been
alerting physicians when a patient has been prescribed both tamoxifen and a
moderate or potent CYP2D6 inhibitor antidepressant.

Pink Vespa

2009-10-13T21:14:00.001-04:00

I want this!!!

Cup with Love Project

2009-10-13T20:55:00.003-04:00

The Cup With Love Project is a non-profit organization that represents world-wide acts of kindness to individuals impacted by cancer. The Cup With Love Project's commitment is to provide emotional support to cancer survivors, patients undergoing cancer treatment and those impacted by cancer.

A gifted cup symbolizes love, hope, prayers for inner strength, and serves to empower them as they travel through their cancer journey. It is a true testament that lets them know that they are not alone.

The Cup With Love Project also provides advocacy, mentoring, education on cancer prevention, and raises awareness on cancer-related health issues. Through these combined efforts it benefits and strengthens all communities.

Pink Tools

2009-10-11T21:22:00.003-04:00

I love just about anything pink and that goes for my tools as well. This company sells some cool pink tools : Tomboytools.com

Stopping Tamoxifen for good

2009-10-10T17:05:00.004-04:00

Was curled up in the fetal position last week with awful joint pain everywhere when it dawned on me that I did NOT have to deal with this. I cannot remember when I have not had joint pain? A year maybe? More or less? And it is getting worse.

I stopped the Tamoxifen and Dr Swanson is having me start Aromasin. She wholeheartedly agrees with stopping Tamoxifen if it is causing me such distress. I use a mail-away pharmacy for the estrogen blockers as it is much cheaper so will not be starting the Aromisan for another week or so.

Dr S said the joint pain should be gone since I stopped the "T" but that is not the case. If this pain continues into next month I will get checked for arthritis or fibromyalgia. Call it what you want....it is a pain in the ass.

But it is not stopping me from enjoying my life. It is just slowing me down. lol

KISS!

2009-10-06T21:27:00.004-04:00

Steve brought me to a KISS concert (my third with him - he is the huge fan) last night in Boston. We had front row, touch the stage seats and met the band before the show. Here is one of several photos.

It was a spectacular show and evening!

Granny is tired now. Good night.

LOL

Feel Your Boobies

2009-10-03T21:31:00.001-04:00

click here

No extensions

2009-10-01T21:43:00.002-04:00

That is a lot of hair compared to 1 1/2 years ago!

And that is also a much happier human being.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month Giveaway!

2009-10-01T10:48:00.004-04:00

I am offering up this brand-spankin' new Beijo Pinky Promise purse FREE to 1 lucky visitor to my blog. I will draw a random number at the end of the month. Tell your friends. Spread the word.

I ordered this purse for me awhile back and have found it too big and stiff for my liking. It is a quality purse and unique in it's design but not for me.

So, here are the rules:

Leave me a comment under this post. {Please do not comment if you do not absolutely LOVE this bag!}

That is it.

Don't you wish everything in life was that simple?

Now go do a self breast exam & keep up to date on your mammograms. Early detection really does save lives. REALLY.

Pink Hugs

P.S.

Yes - you may comment more than once throughout the month of October. WooHoo!

Tamoxifen Issues

2009-09-26T06:07:00.005-04:00

I am slowly weaning myself off of Zoloft which seems to be amping up the side effects of the Tamoxifen.

The joint pain has increased to more areas and is more intense. The last few days it is all on my right side: wrist, elbow, knee and bottom of foot. Feels achy like a sprain and the bottom of the foot feels like a cramp.

The hot flashes are multiplying and are a bit more intense.

I guess the Zoloft was masking some of the Tamoxifen side effects.

As always with this Tamoxifen....I take it one day at a time. If it gets to be too much I will take a break.

For now it is still livable.

Putting those irritations aside life is great. Spending tons of time with the children and enjoying living closer to them. I don't even mind the commute to work. (so far.)

Doing a lot of crafting and crafting classes.

Steve and I live farther apart now but that is okay too. Space does not erase the love.

Life has been very full lately.

I am sure the winter will bring a slower schedule. That is a good thing too.

Happy Autumn,

L

Nice reminder to just be.

2009-09-17T10:51:00.000-04:00

Cut it out!

2009-07-24T21:46:00.003-04:00

This is a photo of me from the Elton John/Billy Joel concert last weekend. I cut the extensions to my shoulder and am much happier.

The concert was wonderful.

Life is good.

Cancer patients fly free

2009-07-24T21:37:00.002-04:00

click here for info.

Hair Extensions

2009-07-11T21:04:00.004-04:00

I went to Boston last week and sat for half a day getting extensions. I have been getting impatient waiting for my hair to grow longer.

I do not know if I will keep them for long as they are not what I expected. Because of my short hair within the extensions it doesn't look so great putting it up or in a ponytail so all I can really do is wear it down.

My scalp is sore. And it is starting to itch.

You should only wash your hair every few days and must completely dry hair so the bonds don't break down. This is a big pain in my ass as I am not a daily "fuss with my hair" kinda gal.

They are too long. I need it cut to my shoulders. And I need a style.

If I liked the way I looked with them it might be worth the hassles but as of right now.....not real tickled with the look.

I wonder how long I'll go before I start screaming to rip them out??!

I am on day 4.

From Sherri

2009-06-22T15:16:00.003-04:00

A very dear friend of mine created this wonderful card for me! The pink ribbon pin says "Survivor." She made it in honor of my 2 year survivorship.

Sherri........you are such a sweetheart.

BigHugs!

p.s.

Interesting to note: I am working on this same image right now for a set of cards. :)

Sunshine on my shoulders....

2009-06-15T21:46:00.004-04:00

Well,

I am coming up on my 2 year anniversary from when I first heard the words: "It's cancer."6/22/07

When I stop and reflect on all I have endured in the past 730 days I am astounded. It feels so good to not be consumed with the cancer stuff. I feel lighter. And I know I am fluffier. :)

I will be posting less now that I am enjoying the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't get me wrong - I still have issues to deal with, scars to heal, hair to grow and emotions to tend. But don't we all in some form or another?

Thank you with all my heart to each and every person who has followed along with me and left comments and sent cards, etc. It made a difference. You made a difference.

I can only hope that my story may help others in some small way, who will have to do battle with this ugly evil beast. Just knowing you are not alone helped me at times.

I have started another (fun) blog related to my papercrafting obsession! I will be posting many of the cards I create for Little Life Preservers. Please hop on over and visit me at:

PinkPromiseDesigns.blogspot.com

So I am still here but not posting that often. (This is a good thing.) (Whoo-Friggin-Hoo)

I am off to find my sunglasses. Need to get used to this light at the end of the tunnel I never ever thought I would see.

Life is good.

Survivor Spotlight

2009-06-04T10:18:00.003-04:00

I did an interview for TheBreastCaresite.com.

Click here if you would like to read.

It's all about getting the word out for LittleLifePreservers.

"Small gestures/Big love"

New drug hopeful for genetic BC

2009-06-04T10:02:00.003-04:00

A new drug for genetic breast cancer could help thousands of women with hereditary forms of the disease, the first tests on patients suggest.

A study involving 54 women with advanced genetic breast cancer found that the drug olaparib could stop the growth of tumours, and shrink them in more than 40 per cent of cases.

In one case, a woman’s tumour disappeared completely after treatment with the drug, according to results to be presented at a science conference today.

About 5 per cent of the 46,000 cases of breast cancer in Britain each year are caused by defects on the BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 genes, which put women at much higher risk of developing aggressive cancers of the breast or ovaries.

Many women who test positive for the mutations have their breasts removed as a precaution, as they have an 80 per cent risk of developing breast cancer in their lifetime.

Olaparib, made by AstraZeneca , is the first of a new class of drugs specifically designed to treat BRCA-related cancers to be tested on patients. If further tests are successful, they could be used at an early stage to treat or prevent disease occurring within affected families, scientists say.
Pharmaceutical companies are also due to present targeted therapies for cancers of the lung, stomach and ovaries this week at the American Society of Clinical Oncology conference in Orlando, Florida, the world’s largest gathering of cancer scientists.

Andrew Tutt, director of the Breakthrough Breast Cancer Research Unit at King’s College London, who led the trial, said that the results for olaparib were “very promising”.

“We are hopeful that olaparib could provide a targeted treatment for women with BRCA-related breast cancer,” he said. “Some women also develop breast cancer before they know they are carrying the gene, or see it recur if they have been diagnosed previously.”

Charlotte Sword, 40, has had breast cancer diagnosed twice, because of the potentially deadly mutation to the BRCA-1 gene which runs in her family. Her younger sister Audrey has suffered it three times. Both women have had double mastectomies and their ovaries removed.

“Breast cancer has left a horrific mark on our family due to a mutation being passed down the paternal line”, Mrs Sword said yesterday. “I have three nieces who could benefit from this treatment, and could be spared the dreadful illness and side-effects of treatment that my sister and I had to go through.”

Olaparib works by blocking a protein that makes cancer cells which have a BRCA fault unable to repair their own DNNA. This causes the cancer cell to die and means that the tumour should either stop growing or get smaller.

Because the drug works in a targeted way, it kills cancer cells while leaving healthy cells alone in a way that chemotherapy does not, which could help to reduce the punishing side-effects of cancer treatment.

In the study carried out at hospitals in Britain, Europe, the US and Australia, 27 patients took 100mg oral doses of olaparib while another 27 took 400mg doses. More than 40 per cent of tumours in the higher dose group reduced significantly in size, while all tumours were prevented from progressing for an average of six months.

The Times reported this year that the London community of Ashkenazi Jews is being offered screening for BRCA genes that raise risks of breast, ovarian and prostate cancers. Ashkenazi have a high incidence of BRCA-related breast cancer.

The NHS currently offers BRCA testing, but only for women whose relatives have had cancer because of the mutations. But up to 50 per cent of people with the faulty genes do not have a family history of the diseases, largely because the gene can be carried by men.

Dr Tutt said that orlaparib may also have potential as an early-stage or preventative treatment. He added: “It is important to remember this drug is at a very early stage of development.” Herbie Newell, Cancer Research UK scientist at the Northern Research Institute, Newcastle University, said he was “extremely encouraged” by the study’s results.

He said: “Olaparib is one of a family of targeted therapies currently in clinical trials and Cancer Research UK expect that this new class of anti-cancer treatments will make a significant impact in the fight against cancer."

In the family
8% Proportion of cases of breast cancer in women thought to be triggered by genetic factors, although many of the exact causes remain a mystery.

2,000 Number of breast cancer cases a year (5 per cent of the total) known to be caused by changes in either the BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 genes that were the first to be associated with a much higher risk of developing breast cancer.

1 in 800 Proportion of women in whom a faulty BRCA-1 gene is present. One in 500 carries a faulty copy of the BRCA-2 gene.

50-80% Chances of a woman with these genes of getting breast cancer in their lifetime, up to seven times higher than those who do not carry the mutations. They also have a 60 per cent increased risk of ovarian cancer.

Sources: Cancer Research UK; Times database

Well done!

2009-05-20T10:16:00.002-04:00

Saw Dr M for the post-surgery follow up yesterday.

Got a "well done" for putting the butterfly bandages on the incision.

Gold star for me!

All looks well.

Nausea gone. YEA! Double YEAYEA!

Pass it on............

2009-05-18T20:55:00.004-04:00

Please....

If you or a loved one are going through treatment for breast cancer go HERE and sign up (everything is confidential) so I can send you or them handmade cards of encouragement and support.

Every gesture, no matter how small, adds up when battling the cancer beast. My cards are lovingly handmade and sent with a bit of my heart. From someone who is walking that road. Totally free! No strings attached. Priceless!

Pass it on. Pay it forward. Small gestures/Big love.

LittleLifePreservers.com

A little blood

2009-05-18T16:11:00.002-04:00

Got out of the shower this morning and noticed my incision was bleeding a little on one end. Just a little so I put on 2 butterfly bandages and will see what Dr M says tomorrow.

Of course I am now being real careful. No lifting, pulling and I keep checking it as I have mostly no feeling on the breast so I could be wide open and probably not know it.

That is an awful thought.

CrAzY cRaZy

2009-05-18T11:51:00.005-04:00

Taking the Tamoxifen again.

I know taking it increases my odds of NOT having a recurrence but the side effects can be quite painful at times.

Whatever.

I am feeling less nausea now. Just need to get my strength back.

And maybe my sanity?

L

Just to be clear

2009-05-15T21:52:00.004-04:00

I am not stopping Tamoxifen because of weight gain.

I am stopping Tamoxifen because of joint pain.

Sounds similar. They even rhyme. Big difference.

Just to be clear.

LMAO!

2009-05-15T21:38:00.002-04:00

Longterm Nausea & Lethargy

2009-05-15T10:03:00.004-04:00

I just read in my blog archives that I had 2 weeks of nausea from the last surgery and am thinking that might be the case this time too.

UGH.

I have this all over feeling of lethargy and nausea. It sucks.

I have not been able to find any information via the web about long term nausea after anesthesia.

Has anyone else had this problem?

Each day there is improvement.

It is just taking awhile.

sigh.

Breast Cancer Wellness Cruise

2009-05-14T19:39:00.003-04:00

Info here: CRUISE

Anyone want to go next year?

I might.

My Etsy Shop!

2009-05-14T03:54:00.003-04:00

I opened a shop on Etsy. My shop name is: PinkPromiseDesigns. I will continue to add new items so visit often. Etsy is the place to buy and sell all things handmade. This site rocks!

All proceeds from my shop go to maintaining LittleLifePreservers.com.

Currently I am offering a wide variety of glass and resin pendants and some handpicked cards. I plan on adding bottlecap pendants, magnets and whatever else suits my fancy.

Stop by and check it out ~

Pinkpromisedesigns.etsy.com

Another Surgery Done

2009-05-13T07:07:00.002-04:00

Everything went smooth on Monday. Got home about 7pm. Hardly slept at all that night. Slept a bit better last night.

Anesthesia screws me up.

I have driven short distances but am still pretty loopy and a bit nauseous and sore.

I was able to take a shower this morning. I unbound myself and got in then had to rush out and hit the bed as I was hit with a wall of nausea and thought I was going to pass out! Not good as I am home alone.

I just took an ativan under the tongue and hope it will take away the nausea.

I seem to need more time to recover after each surgery. My poor body is telling me: "No more surgeries!"

Will most likely need one more to add a nipple and do any nip and tucks so they are both symmetrical.

Contemplating going to work. Don't think I should.

I'll see how I feel in a bit.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T21:29:00.002-04:00

Stopping Tamoxifen (again)

2009-05-06T18:46:00.005-04:00

Yup. I am quitting it again.

My joints are acting up again. I got off the treadmill an hour ago and the bottom of my feet are throbbing. Hot flashes have amped up as well.

No more. Too uncomfortable.

Plus I have put on a very un-needed 10 pounds-ish since starting the Tamoxifen so I am going to blame the medicine instead of my enjoyment of food.

{and desert}

Getting impatient

2009-05-04T21:06:00.003-04:00

This expander is deflating and it feels very strange. I can feel little air pockets, sort of like bubbles, along the edge and for some reason it is getting rather sore. It felt better when it was tight and full!

I have much soreness that travels from the breast along my side and towards my back. The soreness is following the scar so I am guessing this is part of it healing inside? I hope when we swap it for the softer implant my chest will feel better.

I sometimes feel discomfort in the right breast as well, especially near the nipple. I am guessing this is from healing as well?

Monday May 11th hurry up!

Boob issues aside...................life is fabulous.

L:)

Elton John and Billy Joel

2009-04-28T19:38:00.003-04:00

I just got tickets for Elton John & Billy Joel in July! WooHoo!! I never thought I would get to see Elton in concert so this is wicked exciting!

Of course when I mentioned this happy news to my children they were like.....whooppee...hahaha....whatever. Made me feel old. Geez.

Bet if I said I was going to see Hinder or NIN they would have been jumping in their seats begging to go with me.

Life is good.

L:)

Girl Scouts rock again! #2144 + more

2009-04-12T14:04:00.003-04:00

Junior Girl Scout Troop #2144 of West Lakeland held a Community Service Workshop on Feb 21st at Rock Hill Camp in Mahopac. There, various Girl Scout Troops gathered together to make inspirational cards for women with Breast Cancer. The Junior girls, Phoebe Baker, Kathryn Godoy, Melissa Keefe, Vanessa Bueti, Megan Amundsen and Abigail Murray (not shown) along with their leaders Gabriella Bueti (left) and Amy Baker (right) who is a recent Breast Cancer survivor herself collected over 150 cards to donate to an organization called Little Life Preservers. The girls will continue to make and collect cards for this organization through the Girl Scout Community until March 31st. (Photo by Gabriella Bueti for The Journal News/LoHud.com)

I received 3 huge packages of wonderful handmade cards.

I am bowled over by the time, energy and heart that was put into this project for Little Life Preservers. The recipients of each and every card will be joyed.

Many many thanks from my heart to all the Girl Scouts, leaders and helpers involved in this effort of love. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

Pink Hugs,

Lesa:)

Hair keeps growing

2009-04-12T13:11:00.004-04:00

Current photo of me (and my Stella-Bella.) No makeup. Just plain ol' grandma.

This is a years worth of growth. Just a little over a year ago I was bald.

I cannot stand the style but it's hair! And in time it will be at the length I want and then I can cut in a style.

I have some purple streaks in there but you can only see them in bright light.

Let's hear a "Woohoo" for hair!

I still bump into people who don't recognize me. It is unsettling to say the least. As I have said before....Cancer is great at stripping away vanity.

New Surgery Date

2009-04-05T17:25:00.003-04:00

Monday May 11th.

Let's hope this date sticks.

Looking forward to having this hardness removed from my chest.

Happy Spring, Happy Day, Happy Life,

Girl Scouts Rock again!

2009-04-05T17:20:00.002-04:00

Girl Scout troop 1983 from White Plains NY and all their leaders, volunteers and other troops 2752, 2126 & 1991 who helped:

THANK YOU for the awesome, fantastic, wonderful cards you created and donated to LittleLifePreservers! I will find loving homes for each and every one! You girls totally deserve your Bronze Award!

Big Pink Hugs,

Lesa:)

Isn't she sweet?

2009-03-20T21:02:00.002-04:00

A recent card I created (26 of them) for LittleLifePreservers.com

You can click on her to see it larger.

Strength has many faces

2009-03-17T21:33:00.004-04:00

To all the BC fighters out there & anyone else fighting a fight:

"It is okay to not be the hero. Some days just taking your next breath is enough."

Shine on!

Interested in my posts?

2009-03-17T21:27:00.003-04:00

Just type your email in the "email subscribe box" on the right side of this page and each time I post it will be delivered to your mailbox.

It's free.

It's easy.

How often do you hear that?

My bald head is in a music video!

2009-03-12T11:42:00.004-04:00

James House is releasing a new song titled: "Still in the Game" and is using some footage from my head shaving party. I am honored.

We are all walking wounded in one way or another. We find just how strong we are when backed against a wall.

It is a powerful song. Well written from the heart.

Watch and listen here.

L

The Promise Candle

2009-03-11T11:13:00.002-04:00

I found a cool site called The Promise Candle.

I like anything empowering & uplifting.

They state:

For thousands of years the candle has been used as a symbol that represents hope and enlightenment. The Promise Candle takes it one step further. It comes with responsibility. Not only does it represent your wishes, hopes and dreams, it helps you commit to focusing on them.

The owner of the site is also a BC survivor.

Shine on fragrantly!

Updated BreastCancerStories.org Website!

2009-03-06T09:45:00.003-05:00

WHAT'S NEW

*We’ve updated the writing/blogging technology so it is even easier to keep loved ones updated as patients progress through their treatments.

*Writers have their own photo gallery for sharing photos with loved ones.

*A new in-site messaging/conversation component allows writers/loved ones to send and receive messages directly through the website.

*Writers/visitors are now able to search through the stories not only by diagnosis but by lifestyle issues. Single mothers, patients with partners, people of different ethnic backgrounds (for example) are now able to find a connect with others going through a similar experience.

Visit now!

Checking In ~

2009-03-05T21:24:00.003-05:00

I am getting over a second bout of the Flu. Yuck. But this round is clearing up much faster. Although the deep chest cough has been around for weeks. So many people have it. The strains seem to get tougher and tougher each year.

I have had 2 dates within the last week to swap my expander for a soft implant but one way or another I couldn't do it. Am waiting for a new date.

I realized (M pointed this out the other day) that I have had a marked decrease in energy since I started the Tamoxifen. I walked almost daily through all my chemo treatments (real slow at times but I did it) and was walking the 5 miles a day- 5 x a week up until the last surgery in Dec. That seemed to kick my ass and I haven't been able to find my "Get up and go!"

My joints are tender and get to aching after walking. It even aches to cross my legs as my calves are most tender/sore.

I know the lack of energy and achy joints are from the Tamoxifen.

I stopped taking my 1/2 pill of Zoloft yesterday. Want to see how I do after a couple weeks. Maybe find my energy again? If walking keeps causing such discomfort in my joints I am QUITTING the Tamoxifen. That's it. Period.

I have about 80% of my range of motion back on the right. Stiffness still there but smoothing out. Skin always feels tight. Across my back where the scar is and over the breast. It feels like a hard melon but hey it's my melon! I may take some photos of my melon and post them to share.

In spite of these little irritants: I Love My Life! I saw that on a bumper sticker the other day and love it.

Shine on my beautiful friends,

Susie is walking!

2009-03-03T10:18:00.003-05:00

My dear friend Sue Asaro is going to do the Avon walk in May. Way too go Susie! Wish I was feeling up to walking it with you.

Thank you for honoring me along with your cousin Stephanie.

If anyone is interested in donating (even the smallest amount helps) click here.

Susie is also offering portrait sessions. Payment of your creation fee will be 100% donated to her walk and is tax deductible. If you'd like more details give the studio a call at 508.291.7926.

Sue is a fabulous photographer. Click here to see some of her portraits. Her site is beautiful. Just like Susie. Inside and out.

Good luck with your training Susie! My heart goes with you.

xoxo

The Middle Place

2009-02-25T18:26:00.003-05:00

I highly recommend this wonderful book. I devoured it with joy and tears and laughs.

Thank you Janice for loaning me this book. I would not have picked it up normally but was happily surprised by Kelly Corrigan's inspiring writing.

You can read more about this book here.

L

LAST Expansion

2009-02-20T08:57:00.003-05:00

Whoopie!

Had my last expansion, fill, inflation, enlargement, pump-up, or whatever else you want to call it. Done!

I am so inflated I am ready to pop like a party balloon.

Surgery set for April 13th 2009.

That light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter. I am going to need my sunglasses soon.

Boston Valentine

2009-02-18T21:23:00.003-05:00

I am late on posting this as I have been sick with the flu/bronchitis. My great friend M has promised me some homemade soup. Between that and Pam's cookies I should be kicking up my heels in no time!

Steve & I spent a wonderful weekend in Boston for "V" weekend. We saw Dirty Dancing at the Opera House on Saturday and the Blue Man Group on Sunday at the Charles Playhouse. Both were fabulously entertaining!

The top photo has Steve being such a gentleman by carrying my purse. The 2nd is me showing my happiness. 3rd is a beautiful ice sculpture that was carved at Fanuel Hall. 4th & 5th are in front of Fanuel Hall.

[I understand we missed T's birthday over the weekend. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Tony! xoxo]

Sweet Delivery

2009-02-17T13:51:00.002-05:00

A dear BC friend baked and shipped me a huge container of scrumptious chocolate chip cookies! How sweet is that?

Thank you so much Pam! Made my day.

I may not share them.

*smirk*

4th fill went swell

2009-02-10T20:57:00.003-05:00

Had the 4th fill last week. It is starting to look more rounded and breast-like. Doc says one more expansion should do it then we can do the "swap" surgery.

Am looking forward to a soft breast. And having both look symmetrical. Heck - for that matter - just having 2 boobs will be great!

FYI* Dell and Susan G. Komen for the Cure announced a partnership - Dell will donate $5 to the foundation for every new Promise Pink laptop it sells.

I already own a pink Dell laptop.

Pink rocks!

L

It served me well ~

2009-02-02T18:03:00.003-05:00

My port-a-cath was removed this morning in a small out patient room at the hospital. The area was cleansed then injected with a local. I did not feel any pain just odd pulling and dull snipping. Took about 30 minutes for Dr Oxley to remove it. Dr O totally rocks!

No narcotics needed. Sore and tender but not painful.

My port was one of the best things I could have done in making my IV treatments easier. It did it's job very well.

But I am happy it is gone & hope to never need another one.

Yippee!

Grandkids!

2009-02-01T18:32:00.003-05:00

These tiny little beings have been pivotal to my staying afloat through this long battle. They have brought much needed lightness, laughter and uncomplicated love.

Courage is not...

2009-01-31T20:21:00.002-05:00

"Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow." Alice Mackenzie Swaim

3rd expansion out of the way

2009-01-30T12:09:00.002-05:00

2 more to go - hopefully that will do it.

Cool Bag & Cool site

2009-01-28T21:26:00.003-05:00

I just ordered this wicked cool Beijo bag.

5% of proceeds will be donated to Breast Cancer Network of Strength.

You can purchase your very own ultra-cool Beijo bag here.

Breast Cancer Network of Strength uniquely provides peer support through YourShoes™, a 24/7 breast cancer support center staffed by breast cancer survivors who know first-hand what it is like to walk in the shoes of someone who is facing the disease. Get in touch with us at the YourShoes 24/7 Breast Cancer Support Center by calling 1-800-221-2141. Peer counselors at YourShoes help people touched by breast cancer feel the strength and support they need.

2nd fill/expansion done

2009-01-25T19:19:00.003-05:00

Doing well.

Very well.

1st fill ~ expansion

2009-01-11T18:29:00.003-05:00

I went to Dr M's on Thursday Jan. 8th for my 1st fill in my expander. Got myself worked up with worry over how it would feel and it went swell. (Pun intended.)

No pain. A little more sore than normal the last few days but that's about it. The drive through rush hour traffic through Boston to get there was more torturous. And the worry I put myself through. Geez.

I have 3 more appts for expansions then I will set a surgery date for the expander to be removed and the permanent implant put in.

I have felt quite fatigued since Thursday. Not sure if it is from the Tamoxifen or the continued soreness and recoup from surgery.

Am still doing well with increasing arm mobility and strength. It is good spending time with the grand babies as I will push myself more than normal with picking them up and holding them, etc.

S---T---R---E---T---C---H

Like fresh air ~

2009-01-06T21:49:00.003-05:00

Coming out of the darkness. That oppressive depression is lifting.

Feeling lighter and brighter. Like fresh air on a crisp day. Breathing it in deeply.

So grateful the depression is shedding.

Physically I am still experiencing discomfort but each day brings small increments of improvement. Thursday I have my first fill. My breast feels quite tight and stretched as it is so not sure how I will feel with more stretching. . . . . .

Started physical therapy yesterday. This should help me recover my mobility on the right side. Still very sore & tender under the arm. Get tired easily.

I have gained back the 9 pounds I lost this summer. Silly me - I bought pants this summer that I can't snap now so had to put them away. Hoping as I start walking again I will drop a few to fit back in the pants. Hoping it's not a side effect from the Tamoxifen and will make me gain more.

My face is breaking out. This is unusual so am guessing it is from the Tamoxifen.

I am also experiencing occasional vaginal pain. Now I know that is from the Tamoxifen.

All in all - Life is Good.

Today.

Scientists Developing Breast Cancer 'Vaccine'

2009-01-05T18:14:00.002-05:00

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Scientists at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences hope to begin clinical trials this spring on a vaccine to prevent the recurrence of breast cancer.
If successful, the vaccine would not replace traditional treatment such as chemotherapy and radiation but could be an additional treatment for patients, said Laura Hutchins, the principal investigator, professor of internal medicine, and director of the division of hematology and oncology.

Thomas Kieber-Emmons, director of basic breast cancer research at the UAMS Winthrop P. Rockefeller Cancer Institute, said the vaccine was developed over a decade of study on the immune system. He said the key was understanding how different molecules work together to combat disease.

Breast cancer cells are covered with molecules, called antigens, that are capable of triggering the production of antibodies that fight breast cancer cells. But the carbohydrate antigens on cancer cells don't stimulate a strong immune system response.

Kieber-Emmons and his team came up with an alternative approach with a six-year, $2.9 million grant from the U.S. Department of Defense. They developed peptide antigens that mimic the carbohydrates.

A peptide is a compound consisting of two or more amino acids. The peptide-based vaccine tricks the body into producing antibodies that target both the peptides in the vaccine and the carbohydrates they resemble on the breast cancer cells.

The trials will be done in phases. The first phase will last four to six months, and involve women with cancer that is actively spreading and women whose cancer has come back after going into remission. The women will receive five doses of the vaccine.

The second phase will last about a year and include women who have had breast cancer but are in remission and considered at high risk of getting it again. The women will have to have been off chemotherapy for at least six months.

The number of patients participating in the study hasn't been determined.

Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in Hispanic women and the second most-common cause of cancer death in white, black, Asian and American Indian women. In 2004, 40,954 women died of breast cancer, according to the Centers for Disease Controls latest data. That same year, 362 men died of the disease.

*Copied from Foxnews.com

Quiet voice...

2009-01-04T19:07:00.003-05:00

I bought a magnet yesterday:

“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow" - Mary Anne Radmacher

Doesn't that just rock your mind??!!

It rocks mine.

Looking to be inspired? Click here.

The card above is one I recently made for www.littlelifepreservers.com.

Last treatment ~ ~ ~ a setting free.

2008-12-30T19:39:00.005-05:00

I didn't know until I saw DR S that today was my LAST treatment. I have been going to the "chemo room" for over 14 months. I am done! My last Herceptin IV stopped at 4:45PM today Dec. 30th 2008.

I can call Dr O to set up a date to remove the port.

I will miss all the wonderful nurses. Their warm, patient, compassionate, funny personalities made it easier. Sherri (one of the nurses) took some photos with her camera and will send them to me once they are processed. I will then post them here of course. Thank you Sherri.

Deep heartfelt appreciation to: Sue, Christina, Marion, Kevin, Rita, Donna, Janet, Adrienne, Sherri, Martha, Dr S and Dr H and all the radiation nurses downstairs as well. I am blessed to know such magnificent/loving people.

I will check back with Dr S in 3 months. She is the best oncologist in my book. A Supercologist!

It has been a long ass road.

A long ugly ass road.

A big fat long ugly ass road.

I cried the first day I walked into that room.......and I cried knowing today was my last.

I have not done this alone.

The setting free is scary.

Walked today!

2008-12-28T18:15:00.003-05:00

Walked 2 miles on the tread today. Slowly and carefully.

This is a good thing.

Fragile & Sore

2008-12-27T17:07:00.004-05:00

I am doing a bit better emotionally. Steve took me away for the last 3 days. It was a nice relaxing time.

I am still so sore and bruised and sore and tired. I still have not walked. I think I will then by 3-4 I am so tired I end up on the couch. No energy.

I must give myself permission to not walk. It is okay to rest and recoup. I can usually push myself but not this time.

It doesn't help that I am experiencing side effects from the Tamoxifen like achiness on the bottom of my feet and leg cramps and some assorted joint pain plus the accelerated hot flashes. Oh yeah - and no estrogen so my skin is super-dry and my face is so wrinkled. I feel like I have aged 10 years in the last year.

I know.....whine whine whine!

I keep trying to focus on the positive. There is so much positive in my life. Positive feels better.

I feel so fragile. Like splintered glass. Shattered edges.

This whole cancer bullshit has seriously twisted my thought processes. Sadness and fear. Worry.

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

I am off to work on positiveness.

Smile and be positive.

Life is effing great and I want to enjoy it. Not muddle through.

I can do this.

Sore & Tired & Depressed

2008-12-22T18:20:00.005-05:00

It has been 2 weeks today since the surgery.

I had the drains out on the 8th day. Have to wear a sports bra 24/7 minus the shower for a few weeks.

Must massage both breasts every day. I use coconut oil after the morning shower.

My right/reconstructed side is quite colorful, swollen and sore. The scar on my back runs from under my shoulder blade to just about under my arm. Very sore. Actually feels better to sleep on it then the opposite side. Very gently/carefully though.

Was told to find a physical therapist to get my range of motion back but haven't done that yet. Bad patient.

I was told I could come home after the 2nd night in the hospital but I opted to stay one more night as I did not feel strong enough to come home yet. I had a lot of nausea and loopiness that lasted over a week. Not fun. I stopped the pain pills when I came home thinking it was from the Dilladid....but nope. It must have been from the anesthesia.

I used the Scappolomine patch behind me ear to ease some of the nausea but it causes quite a raised rash that itches for days.

I am not looking forward to another surgery and having to deal with that darn loopiness and nausea.

I am so tired of all this crap.

I have been depressed.

I was not depressed before the surgery.

I am depressed now.

Great.

It's been 1 1/2 years of surgeries and treatments and lost hair and side effects and dredging up nuggets of enthusiasm from dry dust and I think emotionally and physically I have hit my wall.

Slam.

for now I am tired, swollen, sore and melancholy. It also feels very heavy and tight.

I go back in about 2 weeks for my first fill. Ugh.

The first week I cried that I should not have done the surgery.

All this for boobs. So what! All for vanity?

Whatever.

This is why I haven't posted here.

Negative mood.

I haven't walked in 3 weeks.

The Tamoxifen is making my calves sore with occasional evening pain.

Shoot me now?

It will get better.

I know it will.

Life is too good to be miserable for long.

I have pics from the hospital but cannot find the cord to my camera.

Slow recovery

2008-12-17T19:08:00.003-05:00

Surgery went well. Stayed 3 nights at the hospital. Tired and very sore.

This surgery has knocked my socks off!

Will post at a later date with more details.

Each day is a little better.

Tomorrow - new boobage!

2008-12-07T11:29:00.003-05:00

Anticipatory anxiety has taken hold.

If all goes as planned...........

Monday 12/8/8

Surgery 11:30. 2 Night stay.

Home Weds.

Wish me luck!

L

Pre-Op Testing Rant!

2008-12-04T18:08:00.003-05:00

Spent the day in Boston at the hospital and surgeons. Nervous wreck from driving in the city.

All I did was answer questions. So I ask...........

Why did I have to go through all that today? Really! I could have answered the questions on Monday before surgery. Which in fact I will do about 10 times with 10 different people before they take me into the OR. It is what it is.

So there was no sense in me going through hours and hours of nerve wracking driving and sitting and sitting. No blood drawn, no Xrays, no consent forms filled out.

It is done thank goodness and I am finally starting to relax. Next drive to Boston, of which I have many before this reconstruction is finished, I am taking an Ativan.

I am getting nervous about the surgery. How I will feel afterward? How my breasts will look and feel? Am I going to be happy with a reconstructed mound? The surgery itself and recupe time. Spending a few nights in the hospital. Dealing with drains for over a week.

Going to go craft some cards on the couch and not think about the surgery. Destress, relax and no worries for now.

It's all good.

Back on Tamoxifen

2008-12-01T21:11:00.005-05:00

Chatted with Dr O last week and she talked me back into taking Tamoxifen.

Since cancer has not been so "in my face" as of late I have been under the false illusion that cancer is getting behind me and life goes on.

Not true.

The large size, grade and stage of my cancer/tumor indicates all ammunition possible for the rosiest possible outlook.

I started back up on Thanksgiving.

As of yesterday the hot flashes are building in intensity, occurence & duration.

Hot Mama!

L

Army of Women ~ Be one!

2008-11-26T17:50:00.002-05:00

The Love/Avon Army of Women is a revolutionary initiative that will change the face of breast cancer research.

The Army of Women is dedicated to representing all women in research so that the research results will apply to all women. This means we need you to help us recruit women of all ages, ethnicities, sizes, and shapes. We need women who have had breast cancer and women who have not. We need African American women, Asian women, Caucasian women, and Latinas of every age and lifestyle to be involved.

You can do your part to help us spread the word about the Army of Women and reach our goal of one million women.

It only takes a minute to sign up and be a part of an important revolution! Help spread the word please .....

Click here

L:)

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T17:41:00.002-05:00

Pretty in Pink album

2008-11-20T17:31:00.004-05:00

Some wonderful friends got together and made me this fabulous little BC awareness album.

You can see the inside pages here.

A huge thank you to Christie for creating the fab album and hosting the swap. Thank you also to the wonderful women who participated: Angie, Terry, Jan, Robin, Sarah, Sherri, Teresa & Michelle. I love each and every page/ATC.

I will cherish this little pink album of love forever.

I am so blessed.

Leaky nose

2008-11-17T20:57:00.003-05:00

I have noticed that since the chemo my sinuses are not the same. When I get up in the morning and several times throughout the day my nose runs. It was a pain in my butt today while cleaning the house....I had to keep stopping to get some tissue. Finally I grabbed a wad and stuck it in my front pants pocket so I could finish vacuuming uninterrupted.

Never had this issue before so I am blaming the chemo. I had major sinus issues while on the shit so it has to be after-effects.

I feel like a real-honest-to-goodness-grandmother with my little tissue packs always on hand.

Oh my!

Granny!

2008-11-07T19:39:00.001-05:00

Surrounded by the ultimate love.

BC Dog Collars ~

2008-11-06T10:29:00.003-05:00

Animal Love Pets is dedicated to helping promote the love of animals and responsible pet ownership through an online portal and unique pet products and designer pet wares of all kinds.

Visit their site at animallovepets.com to see their collection of Unique Dog Collars, Stylish Bungee Leashes and their large collection of beautiful Designer Dog Collars including their new " Save the Boobies" Designer Dog Collar and Leash intended to bring breast cancer awareness to the forefront of the pet community.

20% of all proceeds from the sale of this and other Breast Cancer Awareness Items goes to Pink-Link.org to support the Survivors, Victims and Families of Breast Cancer. Pink-Link is an awesome site full of resources and support for women with BC.

I am going to purchase one of these collars for Maxx. Even though he is a male I know he will wear it with pride.

Coming soon ~~ Cleavage!

2008-10-30T19:59:00.003-04:00

I met again with the plastic surgeon today so we could do a fitting and some measurements. I feel comfortable with a size C which is my normal size and he thinks there will be no problem doing it. Of course he has artistic license to create what looks the best for both breasts. Somewhere between a B and C.

Just having the implants in a bra was a rush! They felt HUGE since I have been mostly flat for over a year.

New breasts on December 8th, 2008! You cannot put a price tag on that Xmas gift.

Time out....having a hot flash.....

OK - phew.

I go back on Dec. 4th to sign consent forms, etc. and have the doctor mark me up for surgery.

I will be having this type of reconstruction here. Plus an expander which looks like this. I will be having augmentation on the left side which basically means an implant and he will work his magic in trying to make both breasts look symmetrical. After surgery I will go back to the doctor every week for a few weeks and he will fill the expander a little each time until my skin has stretched enough to accommodate the correct size implant. Hopefully there will not be any issues with the skin as it has been radiated and that has it's own possible complications.

I will have to stay in the hospital about 4 nights. Eek. I am going to be one sore girl. But it is so worth it.

This is a happy surgery!

I am excited.

I will explain more as I get closer to the date.

Reconstructed breasts are not "Playboy" breasts ~ far from it ~ they are "Girl's Kick Ass and Survive" breasts! That is good enough for me.

L

"Living Proof"

2008-10-21T19:51:00.003-04:00

This movie was just on Lifetime and is truly fascinating. About the man who discovered Herceptin. It may air again or be on your cable company's On Demand.

For info click here

I am still on this drug. BIG Thanx to cutting edge doctors, pioneers, studies and the brave women who have taken that step into the unknown in hopes of saving their lives and others as well.

And the many people devoting their lives to finding cures for other diseases and cancers ~ Thank you.

L

What I wish someone had told me about BC.......

2008-10-10T16:41:00.002-04:00

I wrote a little blurb for intent.com here.

This is a great site. Empowering & positive.

(The editor helped with my writing. I cannot take all the credit. Thank you L)

Joint pain gone!

2008-10-02T22:50:00.002-04:00

Am guessing it was due to a virus or just a short term glitch. Either way it is gone and that is all that matters.

Yippee!

(I am wearing Betty Boob here.)

L

Fighting for a cure

4 Year SURVIVOR!

ITALY - Nov. 2010

Boooooo!!

PBC, Autoimmune Disease, Pain, Drugs........

Gallbladder Gone *******

3 years......

Gallstones!

It has been 3 months...

(love) (hugs) (kiss)

***Today was a Good Day****

On The Mend with no Depends

Pantyliners & Iron Supplements

Hysteroscopy & D&C

Endometrial Biopsy & Depends

Merry Christmas with a capital "P"

One less Ladybug

The Girl Effect

Pink Glove Dance

Who knew?

Aromasin & Zoloft

And the winner is ~~~~~

Training for a Mammogram!

Tamoxifen & Zoloft bad cocktail

Pink Vespa

Cup with Love Project

Pink Tools

Stopping Tamoxifen for good

KISS!

Feel Your Boobies

No extensions

Breast Cancer Awareness Month Giveaway!

Tamoxifen Issues

Nice reminder to just be.

Cut it out!

Cancer patients fly free

Hair Extensions

From Sherri

Sunshine on my shoulders....

Survivor Spotlight

New drug hopeful for genetic BC

Well done!

Pass it on............

A little blood

CrAzY cRaZy

Just to be clear

LMAO!

Longterm Nausea & Lethargy

Breast Cancer Wellness Cruise

My Etsy Shop!

Another Surgery Done

Happy Mother's Day

Stopping Tamoxifen (again)

Getting impatient

Elton John and Billy Joel

Girl Scouts rock again! #2144 + more

Hair keeps growing

New Surgery Date

Girl Scouts Rock again!

Isn't she sweet?

Strength has many faces

Interested in my posts?

My bald head is in a music video!

The Promise Candle

Updated BreastCancerStories.org Website!

Checking In ~

Susie is walking!

The Middle Place

LAST Expansion

Boston Valentine

Sweet Delivery

4th fill went swell

It served me well ~

Grandkids!

Courage is not...

3rd expansion out of the way

Cool Bag & Cool site

2nd fill/expansion done

1st fill ~ expansion

Like fresh air ~

*Today was a Good Day**